we all must sleep

Ours is a world of allusion, where nothing can sometimes mean something, where meaning stalks its way through the illogic and nonsense of commonplace thoughts. Ours is a world of illusions, a world where the secrets can be found amid shadows and dreams. We all must sleep, and only through sleep do we awaken our minds to the greatest mystery of all.

a word to the millions

Sometimes we all lose sight of that goal in life, that personal goal that means everything to us. That goal that pushes us onwards and gives the general randomness and chaos in life much needed order. I've lost sight so many times that I wonder sometimes if I am blind to everything. I've lost sight again. This time not over a woman, god knows it would be easier if that were the case, but I feel that this time I have lost sight of the future. Its all just a blur and before I know it i'll be gone, and at this stage in my life i'll be lucky to realise it.
I understand that if anyone reads this they may think that I'm feeling a bit down at this point of realisation, I just need to clear this up- I'm not, some of the best times in my life have been the moments when i've felt that awesome wave of understanding that comes before a realisation of what one must do and this point in my life is no different. I know it will happen for me, when my house will be put into order again, and I know that it will happen to you, as it happens to nearly everyone in this world who has the motive and abilities for it, I guess the point I'm making to myself and anyone who reads this is- dont worry too much about it. We will all find ourselves in this place at some point. No one knows exactly what they want in life all the time, if your anything like me you'll spend most of your years wondering (lets hope not!) and the main issue here is just to let things take place (and ideas) when they need to, no one should be in too much of a hurry to live their life (unless your in your seventies and you've only just discovered what you want to do). So chill. That will be my new philosophy (until I get bored of it!), and the clear light of realisation will blind your eyes, or even just leave those purple blotches that you get after you look into a bright light.
Farewell, you mariners of the net...
doc.

the better part of Melbourne is how I would describe this shot. not that Melbourne is bad, on the contrary I have a habit of judging cities based on their inner city alleys and Melbourne had some of the best. bravo Melbourne!

somewhere off in the mountains you will find this tree. if you happen to be polite to this tree it will pose for you in the manner it did for me above. respect to the trees!

watch to the sun...

The day will yet come.
When all will be peace.
The time is at hand.
Forget all the fighting.
Forget all the bad.
This will be your day.
To remember forever.
This will be our day.
When we all live together.
In peace. Ad infinitum.

I can create a world in my mind...

But this one is anything you could want it to be - at times an understated beauty, at other times a grotesque monster. It's all about perspective. More specifically mine and yours... what perspective will you take? and why?

an on-going quest...

I've been working on this one for a while now.

The Unifying Principle:

The one thing that binds all in existence; life, death, all that is known and unknown.

As you can imagine this "Unifying Principle" that I seek is no easy feat, and as of yet i've been too busy enjoying life to give it too much thought. But I do hope discover something that will keep me interested in this almost untangible quest for the truth... maybe when I stop asking questions the answers will find me?

Everyone needs a hobby.

If anyone who reads this can shed some insight into my search for the truth in an fabricated world, the search for reason in an irrational humanity, I would greatly appreciate the help.

Adieu all.

yay, happy birthday me! 25 years young, and still as unfit as when I was 18! perhaps more so... oh and my birthday was in may, it just took me this long to scan the photos.

my tribute to a great artist - MC Escher. this shot reminds me of "three worlds", and if you havent seen it I suggest you look it up now... nnnNNOW!

not an experiment in sleep deprivation, just my screwwed up habits!

Did you ever get that feeling where you've borrowed your body for the weekend and you didn't bother reading the manual?

Thats me right about now... 26 hrs and counting... my body feels akin to a slab of granite and I'm only awake because I dont want to go to sleep at 8 and wake up at midnight only to repeat the bad cycle again. The basic fact is: Insomnia sucks... big time!

And the strange thing is that it only starts to kick in real bad right before uni semester begins just to screw with my head... this leads me to 2 conclusions; a) I'm a little stressed before going back for another round of uni fun, and b) I need to start exercising or something like that... an evening jog or something? I've been meaning to get back into Kendo but I guess I'm just too damn lazy... and the part-time job + full-time uni kinda sucks up the free time as well.

Anyhow, at the risk of sounding like the bad carpenter who blames his sanding block, I'd better leave this train of thought at the station... instead i'll replace it with a different train of thought... a riddle! (the only riddle i've ever come up with, though its probably been done before ;) )

I have a neck but no head,

I have a body but no arms,

My only sense is but sound,

And my bridge crosses no rivers,

What am I?

If you need a clue, I talk about this 'thing' in one of my posts... the 'nothing' post I think?

Last random thought: does the 9:15 to central go anywhere?

Some thoughts during the lonely hour of three

Night... the silence of this hour disheartens me. The dead of the night it must seem. Nothing stirs outside my window, no thoughts, no promises... no death. I feel the chill as if it wafts across the room around my dingy little oil heater. Still nothing stirs. Dead silence, a conflict unto itself... and still I wonder when sleep will take hold of me. Its all these late nights, lack of work and university holidays that are slowly driving me insane. To come off a busy semester and a part-time job to this is no evil twist of fate, just a coincidence.
There was once a day (long ago in my deep past) when I believed in fate and destiny, and that nothing happened by accident... but that was a different time, and I was a different person, full of bitter remorse and self pity. What has changed and why I wonder, but the answer is simple, I did some things in my past to prove that life isnt just driven by fate, and I gave up on self pity and trusted in my abilities enough to move forward. I also gave up on god. I still believe in jesus and that he was a great philosopher who had a great deal to teach about compassion and forgiveness (two of the greatest qualities that I try my best to uphold), but as far as religion goes (for me at least) the world is a chaotic maelstrom of suffering and pain, there is a reason for us all to live, but if we dont follow our heart our try to give ourselves a reason then the world certainly wont do that for us... and if we follow any one religion we will eventually end up questioning our own faith and this will then lead to a crisis that no one should need to go through. Its not worth it in the end. And when you've gone through that crisis it will only harden your resolve against faith, this is never a good thing. We all need faith. Faith is the cornerstone of our heart. But faith does not have to be for anything spiritual, it doesnt have to be faith in a god or in a higher power. The faith can be in yourself, and in others. It can help free you from the chains of suffering and pain. It can shield you in life and help you pull out of the darkest pits during the time of sorrow that you will undoubtably go through at some point in your life. Its there for you, only if you wish it to be. And it can disappear just as quickly as it comes to you if you give up.
Well, I'm starting to feel a bit more tired now... maybe I'm putting myself asleep with my own diatribe? If so then I cant imagine how bad an effect all this would have on the 3 odd people that may read this... to those people I am sorry if my polemic has a mild dozing effect, but its the first thought that came to my head and well, I might just do this every night that I feel the insomnia set in. good night! err... morning.

Without you

Time is cold,
Cold as a winter night among the frost and fog,
Weighty as the matters at hand,
As they present themselves in linear fashion,
Deep as the deepest sea,
A cloud of enigma un-pierced by the light of truth,
Time is dead,
Paralysed in the minds of billions,
Desperately seeking hope to cling to like a raft in the ocean,
Unblinking in its resolve we wait,
As the quiet passes on and over our children like a lion among the lambs,
Time will pass,
Unending and bitter,
Forever it will go on,
Without you.

Selected poems from my latest work

To far gone, and back

Am I too far gone to care?
You ask with but a callous air,
No,
It’s not for now I lament or lose sight of,
It’s yesterday,
Tomorrow,
The day after the day after,
And on till the end.
The end is all I have left.
The end is all you will find in me.

A meaning?

What is this desire to find the meaning, the way?
There is nothing out there for you.
You see the birds?
What do they find in life?
Meaning?
Happiness?
It’s all arbitrary to exist for a meaning,
When there is not a meaning that exists for you.

Crown of thorns

I am,
All the stars above the night sky,
I am,
The jealous rage that feelings now deny,
I am,
The blade that doth speared a raven’s cry,
I am,
Charcoal hands within the sediment they lie,
I am,
All that came forth from this healed wound in its pain,
I am,
Everything you ever thought you could refrain,
I am,
The boundless mystery shining forth upon the day,
I am,
The crowned gift upon your faith,

I was,
Ever loving, ever holding out your wait.

The Journey

Its what the ancient guide told me on the journey to the stars,
“We’re a long way from home”,
It’s the fragments of thought,
The ragged old shoal,
An epic unfolds,
“We’re a long way from home”,
Through the winters of epoch,
Over bridges of gold,
In the endless unfolding,
“We’re a long way from home”,
It’s the gift that he gave me,
In craved idols gaze,
The tablets they say,
“We’re a long way from home”.

I have nothing more to give,

I am but a single heart,

A fragile stone.

Mates... all of them. Who could live without them? Who would want to?

The trials and triumphs over a thousand miles

As the title of this post attempts to explain I did recently go on a long journey, on the motorcycle I affectionately refer to as "Betsy" (I guess its easy to form a bond with an inanimate object that has both saved and almost lost your life about a dozen times)... Anyhow, my journey started in sunny Canberra... no wait, it was cloudy that day... on the 27th of June in the year of your lord 2005 AD. I rode to Melbourne. Then I rode to Adelaide. Then I rode back to Canberra, the end.

whats that? you want to read about what happened to me? the pitfalls and tragedies, the triumphs and successes?

Theres not really a great deal to talk about... I may have changed a little on this journey, maybe a little in the wrong direction, who knows. One thing I do know is that I came dearly close to crashing on more than a few occasions and not mention coming very close to a nasty case of hypothermia on the home stretch. I do now feel as if i've passed through the eye of the needle and have come out on the other side unscathed. And the worst thing about it- is that it hasnt changed me inside, it hasnt been an epithany or wake up call to change my life, to live life to its fullest. It seems the cruelest trick of fate that I should defy death only to not understand life any better, but hey, who knows anymore about life than anyone else? no one. And that is perhaps the biggest single truth to life, that no one understands life more than anyone else. It may sound a little defeatist to you, but to me it makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside... kind of like the great humanizer, the idea that levels the playing field a little bit in the game of life.

That tangent aside the destinations themselves proved an interesting contradiction to me. For starters I thought that Adelaide (where I was born) would be great fun and Melbourne would be fairly average. But to me it turned out to be the reverse; Melbourne was great (can never have too many cafes... I wouldnt be surprised if Melbourne has more cafes than Rome), and I have a new found respect for Jazz (went to a great little Jazz bar called "Dizzy's"), and Adelaide was nice (got to visit relatives I hadnt seen for years) but the weather (which was inclement to say the least) and the apparent lack of nightlife proved to be disappointing to me.

So where is my next destination going to be? who knows... with my next immediate desire being the completion of a degree, only one thing is still obvious to me: that I only seem to feel alive when I'm 5,000 miles from the place I temporarly call "home". Must be that the longing for travel is the only constant in my life. May be that home is not just a physical dimension in this world, but just a figment of my soul... perhaps its very essence. Theres a thought to end with...

"Goodnight my children, my longing of life, my spirit of being, my spirit that flows, for it wont be long now, before this spirit must go".